Dad's Star
Billions of stars, shining so bright
In the dark, ink-coloured sky each night
Always present, though not always seen
Clouds covering the black, special dream.
One of those stars, a diamond, I know
Represents my Dad - shining, aglow
He passed away, February 2001
That was when the star watching begun.
The night of his death, planet Venus appeared
Bright, spectacular - and to it I neared
Drawn by its beauty, twinkling so clear
Significant, meaningful, of a Dad so dear.
Comfort was instant - just knowing he's there
Watching over us, showing his care
The star, it remained, for over a week
Giving peace, where needed, when time was bleak.
Blinking, colours, a spectrum of hue
In a vast expanse of night sky so blue
And Dad's star is more prominent of all
The blanket of the universe, how it does enthral.
I look to the heavens, every clear night
And the dot-to-dot wilderness is a beautiful sight
Even when clouds cover the picturesque view
I imagine Dad's star, because my mind sees it too.
Babies of mine
You were never born into this world.
However, that's not to say I didn't love you - I still do.
1997 and 1999 - both conceived February - two years apart - exactly.
Ironically, you both died at 8 weeks into my two pregnancies.
And I so grieved for you - both of you.
I think it was even worse the second time.
I grieved for the first all over again - the loss was unbearable.
Was it something I did? Why did you both die?
I'm a spiritual person - In so many ways
And have been to see many clairvoyants in my lifetime.
Several have told me that you were both girls.
That my Nan is looking after you both - as you grow up in the spirit world.
I think of you both frequently - Thinking of the ages you'd both be now.
What you would look like, what you would wear?
What things you'd like to do, the colour of your hair.
Would you be stubborn, shy, or extrovert?
Would you be creative, sensitive - maybe tomboys?
Would you look like me? Be similar to me in your ways?
As you know, I'm no longer with your Dad.
I know you watch over me - and you see it all.
You saw how he treated me - the mental and physical violence.
You were best off not being a part of that situation.
He may have turned on you, my lovely girls.
And you know, although I took the violence that he dealt me
I would have killed him if he had harmed either of you.
You would have loved Peter - my wonderful Husband now.
He would have treated you as he treats me - with love and respect.
It must be hard for him to listen when I talk about you both
Another man fathered you - (if that's what you can call your dad)
But, he would love you as his own, had you been here with us, in our world.
I just wanted to tell you both that I still think of you - often.
You're not forgotten - just because you are not here physically.
You probably already know, but it's always nice to be told that you are loved.
Don't give your Great-Nanny too hard a time, girls!
She'll tell you off, and be cross with you both!
I know, from personal experience, when I was your age!
I also know that her heart will swell with pride when she looks at you both.
Say 'hello' to her, my Dad too, give them a hug and a kiss from me.
There are so many others - your family - you must have met up with them.
Say 'hello' to everyone - and I hope you will all meet me when I arrive there.
There is no time, not where you are. So however long it takes me
I will see you, my daughters, when it is my time. You'll know when that is.
This was meant to be a poem for you both, but it's turned into a letter!
But just expressing myself, to you both, like this, has helped me feel better.
(See, some of it rhymes!!) - God Bless Girls. Lots of love from Mummy xxxx
Parting
I watched you go
You did not cry
I held your hand
As we said goodbye
You closed your eyes
Took your last breath
Your pain was all over
As you welcomed death
I cried for you
Now the pain is in me
My broken heart
Will never be free
Another day passes
My life goes on by
I think of your memory
As I sit here and cry
I remember the good times
There were many we shared
And I always knew
That forever you cared
In time you grew weaker
And I cared for you
I promised I would be there
When the moments became few
I did it for love
Is all that I can say
Your life has gone
Death has taken you away
I will carry your memory
Right here in my heart
Until the time comes
That I too must part
I Know
You know, I really do mean it
When I say I know how you feel
I do know what you're going through
Is painful and very real.
I know you're not exaggerating
Or pretending in any way
It really is a trying time
Getting harder every day.
I do know what you're going through
As I have been there too
And time right now, just brings you pain
There seems like no let up for you.
I won't pretend it's easy
You'll cope in your own way
You take your time - go at your own pace
And take things day by day.
I know this seems unreal now
But things will improve, it's true
Step by step, you'll smile again
With each day that is new.
You Are In My Thoughts
Yet another woe
Has made you low
Facing life without a smile.
If you ride the storm
In whatever form
It will start to pass in a while.
Though the road you tread is a struggle
Seeking light along your way
The path will ease for you
At the start of each new day.
May your heart be healed and lifted
And let sunshine dry your rain
Let the darkened clouds around you pass
And may you enjoy your life again.
